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MOST List for Dating Advice Books by Bestselling Author Ian Coburn

MostMostSafeSqaureComedian and bestselling author turned-dating-expert Ian Coburn shares his “most list” for dating advice books. Learn more about Ian at and

Most List – Dating Books

Purpose: As an author and dating expert myself, I have compiled a list of the best dating advice books out there for both sexes. Each book provides ample insight for each gender. I’ll detail why in the list. You’ll notice that most of these are not the books traditionally plugged for relationships, like The Rules or Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus. I don’t find those books to provide much insight; instead, they tend to encourage the ongoing behavior that makes dating so excruciating and dreary for most people. Furthermore, the books on this list will prove intriguing not only to singles but to anyone who’s ever been single. Still, each is not for everyone, so be sure to read why I recommend the book. If my rationale doesn’t apply to you, skip it; if it does, pick up the book! Remember, in the case of each book, writing a book and getting it published is extremely hard work that pays very little; hence, the authors wrote these books to share information they strongly felt would benefit the reader. They took the time to give you their best advice to help make your life better.

The books are in no particular order.

Singular Existence by Leslie Talbot – 192 pages, $12.95

Singular Existence

In her quick read, Leslie provides ample insight into the misguided priorities of many women and rightly takes a step back and questions, “Wait a minute. Why?”

For Guys: I laughed aloud in places at the warped priorities of women. For instance, in one scenario a bride-to-be’s mother and grandmother suggest that Leslie should be the maid of honor because she is more attractive than the current maid of honor. Forget that Leslie barely knows the bride. Forget that the current maid of honor is the lifelong best friend of the bride; the most important thing is that the wedding be as pretty as possible and Leslie would fit better toward that end. The mother and grandmother actually started spreading this buzz around the rehearsal dinner. And now we guys know how drama and gossip gets started… There is tons of insight within this inexpensive, quick read into what women think, why, and how they interpret and react to our behavior. Mostly, you’ll see firsthand the enormous pressures put on women not to be single, how it impacts them, and the illogical rationale behind these pressures. It was eye-opening and most amusing.

For Women: You’re more likely to shake your head and chuckle than laugh aloud because you have firsthand experience with these stories. You’ll learn how to relax, shake off the pressures, and focus on what’s best for you. No hype that you get from other books like “When you least expect it, you’ll meet Mr. Right,” and so forth.

The Manual by Steve Santagati – 294 pages, $21.95 hardcover (cheaper for paperback)

The Manual

While I feel Steve’s book still falls into the trap of focusing too much on the guy—it’s the woman’s job to catch the man (scientists claim this is part of nature; yet, in every other species, it is the male that has to catch the female by making the proper impression, not the other way around; hmm…), he provides lots of good advice and, unlike other books, notes the pitfalls of each technique along the way.

For Guys: Learn why bad boys do what they do and why it works; why it’s better to be a bad boy than a player. This is a better book for men and full of more helpful information than pickup manuals like The Game and Mystery Method. You’ll see what true confidence is—Steve has no problem sharing his flaws and weaknesses, as well as noting when and how women have owned him. He can get laid or date; whereas, pickup manual writers can only seem to get laid, illustrating their shortcomings with truly understanding what they purport to have mastered (women).

For Women: Steve provides great insight into bad boys’ behavior. He covers some of the other types of guys, too. His insight will prove effective and he tells you how to behave depending on what you want—a long term relationship, a short romance, etc. Remember your audience—you’ll need to seek some additional resources for meeting nice guys and good guys. Steve does a good job of encouraging you to take more control of your dating life, instead of leaving it up to guys.

Supposing I wanted to Date a White Guy…? By Halima Sal-Anderson – 189 pages, $21.99

Supposing I wanted to Date a White Guy

Halima’s book provides solid insight into a specific area of interracial dating—black women dating white guys.

For Guys: If you’re thinking of dating—or do date—along these demographics, this read will better prepare you for issues that fall outside other relationships, including those you won’t see coming. Preparation is always key. You’ll also learn what issues and pressures your date face.

For Women: Halima provides insight not only into the topic but you’ll also recognize what real issues are, serving to help you see what little things you’ve been making too big a deal about. If you’re white, you’ll feel dating isn’t quite as hard as you’ve been making it and feel relieved that you don’t have to face some additional issues that minorities might.

God is a Woman: Dating Disasters by Ian Coburn – 269 pages, $16.95

God is a Woman

Yours truly shares sexual and dating misadventures as a touring comedian. The stories are my funny failures and after each I share what I learned, as well as provide examples of using it, successfully.

For Guys: You’ll relate and you’ll find a better way to deal with dating issues and to be successful with women of all types. (I differentiate between the different types of women.) You’ll see how I developed confidence, flirting, and people skills. My approach is very different because I break the uncomfortable dating cycle that puts us in a rut and focus on the woman not the game. (“Get comfortable with women not your game” is one of my mottos. There is a big difference between the two.) You’ll also learn about the different types of guys and better be able to determine which you want to be.

For Women: You’ll laugh loudly at a guy—me—making a fool of himself. You’ll gain honest insight into men, validating some of what you believe and discrediting some. You’ll appreciate the honesty, learn what separates the different types of guys as you watch me go through each phase (I went from being “Sweetest Guy” in high school to becoming a big jerk for a while), and see how your actions—as well as some of the bad advice you get elsewhere—help to shape male behavior.

The Game by Neil Strauss – 464 pages, $35.99

The Game

Journalist and author Neil Strauss shares his story of joining a society of guys focused on conquering women as though they were an equation. (Understandable, since these guys tend to be engineers, computer programmers, and the like.) They call themselves “pick-up artists” (pua), changing the original meaning of the words.

For Guys: You’ll get great advice for picking up club gals and trixies (categories many models, actresses, and other attractive women tend to fall into). If you read The Manual and my own book, you’ll also see the huge difference between being comfortable with women and being comfortable with your game. Neil and his like are comfortable with their game not women. They need to create scenarios and fake conversations or instances in order to implement their game to be successful with women. This is a big difference from Steve or myself, who can take anything in context and turn it into a conversation with women, as opposed to having to alter the scenario first before even making the attempt. Neil does a good job of illuminating the flaws with the pua leaders and the approach. At some point he realizes something is wrong and also realizes that no one seems to be able to get into the relationship phase with a woman, successfully; however, to date he still seems unable to get out from under the thumb of the game. (This book especially hits me because I went through this phase but was able to pass out of it. It’s actually less about the women when you’re in this phase and more about being cool to the following of guys. This is why pua authors and players have such a tough time sharing stories of failures but easily talk about being an alpha male, and spend a great deal of time detailing their conquests and sharing them with other guys.)

For Women: If you’re a trixie or club gal, you’ll learn why these guys treat you they way they do. All of you will gain insight into just how far men will go and how much they will pay to learn how to get laid and be successful with women. You’ll also see how you shaped these guys and why you would be better off treating them better when they were nice guys.

Mystery Method by Mystery – 240 pages, $19.95

The Mystery Method

A text book for landing women by Mystery, Strauss’ mentor in The Game. It’s dry but if you don’t want to read the stories of Strauss and just want the process for being successful with trixies and club girls, this is the book for you.

For Guys: You’ll learn how to be successful with trixies and club girls in a succinct fashion. You won’t learn why the practices is work, though; I suspect Mystery doesn’t really know why they work or he would share. For example, he’ll tell you to be the focus of the room but he won’t tell you that it works because trixies and club girls need to feel like the most important woman in the room; they need the spotlight. If you create that feel for yourself, you’ll draw them to you before ever even talking with them. (It won’t work on other types of women, in fact often turning them off because they don’t have any need to be the focus of the room. Pua’s don’t differentiate between types of women beyond their physical appearances, a major flaw with their works and systems.)

For Women: Again, you’ll learn to what extent guys will go to in order to be successful with pretty women.

The System by Doc Love – 202 pages, No idea

You can get this book off the site I don’t know the cost; it’s not on the book. At first appearance, Doc Love’s book appears to be just another pickup manual but it is so much more and so much better. (I also don’t have an image of the cover.)

For Guys: Unlike other manuals, Doc differentiates between the different types of women. He tells you how to get the trixies but encourages you not to; instead, he steers you toward better quality women of substance and teaches you how to have successful relationships. He’s actually working to get you either out of or away from the pitfall that Mystery and Neil Strauss (aka “Styles”) are in.

For Women: This is what a book of advice to you—such as The Rules—looks like to us. That insight alone is worth the read.

Mode One by Alan Roger Currie – 168 pages, $15.95

Mode One

Alan Roger Currie has a completely different approach than pickup manuals. Instead of focusing on trying to convince a woman who’s not interested in you that she should be interested in you, Alan wants you to focus on finding the right woman who is interested in you from the start. The writing style is unorthodox, used by Alan to further illustrate his unorthodox but effective approach.

For Guys and Women: You will both learn why it is better to be honest with yourself and others about what you want from the start. In this manner, you’ll get to enjoy each other and everything from the start, instead of going through tedious games and arbitrary actions. Alan teaches women how to identify the different “modes” of male behavior while he teaches guys how to get through the modes in order to become happy as a “Mode One” guy.

A Practical Handbook for the Boyfriend by Felicity Huffman – 276 pages, $22.95
A Practical Magic Handbook for the Boyfriend

Felicity Huffman shares insight that dating advice books rarely share—how to behave to become a boyfriend (as opposed to getting laid) and stay a boyfriend. There is good stuff in here for guys who want to be in good, healthy relationships and for women who want to learn why boyfriends have trouble compromising or understanding you in certain scenarios.

I hope this list proves helpful to you. Happy dating and relating! Remember, only you are responsible for your happiness. Don’t wait for others to make you happy; go get that happiness yourself. These books will help you to learn how if you are struggling; if you aren’t, several of them, as noted, will entertain you.

Posted on Friday, September 25th, 2009 Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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